Brunch Grammar

Rocco is asking the waiter for "fomosas" and is confused when the waiter says they don't have that.

Rest of the group: Fomosas? What are those?

Rocco: It's orange juice and champagne.

Rest of the group: MIMosas.

Later, the waiter brings mimosas, with a layer of foamy orange juice floating on the top.

Rocco, redeemed: Foam! Foamosas!

Rest of the group: It does exist!

Give-away quote of the week

I'm pretending to punch Rocco in the stomach for being cheeky.

Me: Domestic violence!

Rocco: They should make violins in the shape of houses. Like Domestic Violins.

No Second Date

Showing me a cookie with dates in it, via webcam, then holding it over his eyes:
"It's a blind date."

"And then! I'm going to put it in the microwave. And it'll be a hot date."

"I'm going to save it. For a later date."

Rocco's Dictionary

Chinplant [chin*plant]
1. A chin implant
2. A plant that grows in China

Sleepy Roccos Shouldn't Drive

Rocco is driving just 5 minutes after waking up. He presses the gas pedal too sharply, and some iced coffee spills all over his beard.

Rocco: That's why they made evolution.
(Referring to his beard catching all the coffee and keeping his shirt clean).

Saran Crap

The Saran Wrap refuses to stick to anything and Rocco becomes frustrated.

Rocco: And it says Premium on it!
Me: What does that mean, anyway?
Rocco: It extra sucks.

Self-Awareness

Someone's getting used to having their words put on a blog...

Me: Eww, that looks like a tumor!
Rocco: Maybe it's a three-mor.
Me: Oh my god...you are a such a dork.
Rocco: Or a four-mor! A four-mor is twice as good as a tumor! Write it down! Write it down! A former is better than a tumor!

Height Awareness

I'm standing on my tip-toes to reach something in the kitchen cabinet.

Rocco: You're getting tea on your toes. You're a tea-toe-taller. A tee-totaller!

Gastronomy Report

Eating from Foster's Freeze and examining the paper bag that came with it...

Me, pointing to a cartoon of a boy: Look, it's "Little Foster."
Rocco: So...you might say he's a foster child [laughs hysterically].

Blended Fun

Rocco makes new words from...everything.

"Fake pork. Fork."

"Model and actress. Mattress."

"Blessing and a curse. Blurse."

Doors

Our dog's hair hasn't been trimmed in a while, and his back hair is connecting like a barn door. And Rocco is high while contemplating this.

"Human door. It's like a humidor, but for poop."

Product Not As Described

Rocco's pita bread falls apart as he attempts to put chicken in it, and he ends up mixing everything in a bowl.

Rocco: It's a pita bowl.
Me: Sounds like a parade.
Rocco: A parade dedicated to inadequate pita pouches.

Sigh

"Maybe I'm unhappy in general, and when I breathe people know it."

--Rocco, after I try to explain that although he doesn't mean to sigh dramatically, it always sounds like he is exasperated when he does.

*Correction

I just found the original quote about Rocco handing me his iPhone, which I originally paraphrased from memory because of a lost notebook. This is the real deal!

Rocco, after I asked him why he handed me his cell phone absentmindedly:

"I don't know... I feel like because you have the ovaries, you have a built-in storage device for all my stuff."

That's What She Said: No, Wait I Take That Back Edition

Me: I don't know if it's in or not...
Rocco, smirking: That's what she said.
Me: ...Really?


I'm measuring Rocco's beard with my fingers.
Me, gesturing with my thumb and index finger: It's that long!
Rocco: That's what she said.
Me, holding up the one-inch finger gap in front of his face: So she said it was that long?
Rocco, pushing my hand back: No no! Minus the fingers!

Romantic Man

Lying in bed in the dark.

Rocco: Mio amore!
Me: Are you doing the Italian wrist in the dark?
Rocco: [Pause] You're a punk.

Sleepy in Denial

Rocco has a habit of falling asleep to movies but denying that he's asleep, despite evidence to the contrary (i.e. snoring).

Rocco, C-Ott and I are watching Deathproof.

Me: Are you sleeping?
Rocco: No! Why do you keep asking me that?
Me: I thought you were snoring...
Rocco: I'm watching!
...Snoring commencing after a few minutes...
Me: You're asleep!
Rocco: No, I'm not.
C-Ott: Oh yeah? How many of them were in the car?
Rocco: Four! (Right)
C-Ott: No, there were five.
Rocco: Right, right. Five.

Later...

C-Ott: And what are they doing?
Rocco, looking at the screen where the girls are eating: They're having lunch.
C-Ott: And what are they talking about?
Rocco, hesitant: They're talking about...eating lunch.
Me: Uh-huh...and who flipped them off earlier, in the car?
Rocco: Uh, Kurt Russell.
Me: Right... well, no one flipped them off.
Rocco: Are you sure?

Sing-Song

To the tune of "Unbreak My Heart":

"Unsmell my fart! Say you're gassy again...Unvomit puke from your face, when I fart on your head...[mumble]"

--getting dressed this morning

Sleeping and Stressing

"It's just poop. He's gotta pick it up. He don't care."

--in his sleep, after a week of dealing with someone else's dog.

Sleeping and Snoring

Rocco wakes himself up with his loud snoring, but is just awake enough to have a one-sided conversation.

Rocco: Is that you?
Me: No, that was you.
Rocco: That's okay.
Me: No, that was you, not me.
Rocco: I don't mind, just go back to sleep.
Me: No, you were snoring-- oh, forget it.
Rocco: Just go back to sleep.
Me: Uh-huh.