Product Not As Described

Rocco's pita bread falls apart as he attempts to put chicken in it, and he ends up mixing everything in a bowl.

Rocco: It's a pita bowl.
Me: Sounds like a parade.
Rocco: A parade dedicated to inadequate pita pouches.

Sigh

"Maybe I'm unhappy in general, and when I breathe people know it."

--Rocco, after I try to explain that although he doesn't mean to sigh dramatically, it always sounds like he is exasperated when he does.

*Correction

I just found the original quote about Rocco handing me his iPhone, which I originally paraphrased from memory because of a lost notebook. This is the real deal!

Rocco, after I asked him why he handed me his cell phone absentmindedly:

"I don't know... I feel like because you have the ovaries, you have a built-in storage device for all my stuff."

That's What She Said: No, Wait I Take That Back Edition

Me: I don't know if it's in or not...
Rocco, smirking: That's what she said.
Me: ...Really?


I'm measuring Rocco's beard with my fingers.
Me, gesturing with my thumb and index finger: It's that long!
Rocco: That's what she said.
Me, holding up the one-inch finger gap in front of his face: So she said it was that long?
Rocco, pushing my hand back: No no! Minus the fingers!

Romantic Man

Lying in bed in the dark.

Rocco: Mio amore!
Me: Are you doing the Italian wrist in the dark?
Rocco: [Pause] You're a punk.

Sleepy in Denial

Rocco has a habit of falling asleep to movies but denying that he's asleep, despite evidence to the contrary (i.e. snoring).

Rocco, C-Ott and I are watching Deathproof.

Me: Are you sleeping?
Rocco: No! Why do you keep asking me that?
Me: I thought you were snoring...
Rocco: I'm watching!
...Snoring commencing after a few minutes...
Me: You're asleep!
Rocco: No, I'm not.
C-Ott: Oh yeah? How many of them were in the car?
Rocco: Four! (Right)
C-Ott: No, there were five.
Rocco: Right, right. Five.

Later...

C-Ott: And what are they doing?
Rocco, looking at the screen where the girls are eating: They're having lunch.
C-Ott: And what are they talking about?
Rocco, hesitant: They're talking about...eating lunch.
Me: Uh-huh...and who flipped them off earlier, in the car?
Rocco: Uh, Kurt Russell.
Me: Right... well, no one flipped them off.
Rocco: Are you sure?

Sing-Song

To the tune of "Unbreak My Heart":

"Unsmell my fart! Say you're gassy again...Unvomit puke from your face, when I fart on your head...[mumble]"

--getting dressed this morning